Young Mother Battles With Culture, Anxiety to Keep Her Baby

By Ray Dyer
The Sooner Catholic                                                    
                                                                                     Four-month-old Praise in the arms of his mother.

OKLAHOMA CITY — Maria arrived in America with hope of building a better life. She now hopes to remain in America because of a new life- the one she gave birth to just four months ago. Her son's name is Praise. "That's because I say 'Praise be to God,''' the new 23-year-old mother said. She admits there were times before the birth of her son when she wasn't sure if God was with her or not. A door she believed offered opportunity would suddenly close, but then, and just as suddenly, a door of understanding and compassion would open, allowing hope to flow back into her life.  Today, Maria and Praise are living in a comfortable home and are supported by volunteers from Birth Choice and Project Gabriel. Maria is grateful for the kindness she's received from strangers. And although she feels gratitude for the many acts of love, she knows her road ahead remains filled with just as many unknowns. She also knows that road of life ahead will often seem to run uphill. But there is a sense of strength, even through her tears.  Maria knows she is strong and so far, through the grace of God, she's been up to the challenge. So have the many people who are willing to support her.

This is the story of a young woman, far away from home who became pregnant. She asked that her real name not be used. She also asked that her home country not be identified. Maria fears for the safety of her mother and the brothers and sisters she left behind in Africa. If she had become pregnant out of marriage in her home country, a wedding would have been quickly arranged. Abortion is illegal in that undeveloped nation. But in America, the father of her child, did not want a wedding. He wanted an abortion. And even though they profess to be Catholic, so did the family here in Oklahoma the young woman was living with. Maria said her host family told her she had disgraced and betrayed them. Even the former Catholic nun in Africa who sponsored Maria to come to the United States encouraged her to have an abortion. It was the only way. How could a young woman, so far from home, manage an education as well as a new baby?  Even though something inside her told her to keep her baby, abortion, she was told, was the only option. Maria began to doubt her feelings. Who was she to turn her back on those who were older and wiser?   Even though the life inside her challenged the idea of abortion, there seemed no other choice.

When Maria was five months pregnant a friend from college drove her to the office of Planned Parenthood. This friend had aborted her baby with the help of Planned Parenthood. A number of girls Maria had met at college had been through the same experience, she would learn. Her host family at the time offered to pay for the abortion. For $1,800 Maria was told she would once again be free. No crying baby at night. No dirty diapers. Freedom was hers for the taking.

The only person who opposed the idea of abortion, Maria said, was her devout Catholic mother back home in Africa. Even though her mother is dying from AIDS she wanted her to come home, Maria said. Her father had died two years earlier from AIDS. The thought of going back to Africa was inviting. Somehow her family would help feed and care for another mouth. But Maria knew that if she did return to Africa it would end her dream of education and eventually becoming a nurse.

"Planned Parenthood told me I would have to go to Texas for the abortion because the baby was so big," Maria said. But when the Planned Parenthood technicians demonstrated how the abortion would be performed it scared Maria and she ran from the office.

Now seven months pregnant and suffering from anxiety and on the edge of despair, Maria found herself driving past Saint Eugene Catholic Church. She said it was as if the Project Gabriel sign in front of the church jumped in front of her car. "Are You Pregnant? Are You Confused?, the sign read. It offered a phone number offering help for those who answered yes to the questions.

Maria called the phone number and two months later a child was born.

Susan Lepak is associate director for the Archdiocesan Office of Family Life. She's involved in Project Gabriel, Birth Choice and other organization that promotes and fights for what the late Pope John Paul II referred to as the "culture of life." Lepak guided Maria to  Project Gabriel who in turn brought her to Birth Choice. Through these connections Maria and Praise have come to live with a woman and her husband who volunteer for both organizations. Her life is upside down. But her conscience is intact. Exhaustion is her number one enemy now. But then working 60-80 hours a week and caring for a four-month-old has always been a good recipe for exhaustion. If it wasn't for the support of her new "adopted mom" that has taken Maria and Praise in, she doubts she would be able to go on.

"My mother in Africa, she can only cry when I tell her how good this woman is to me," Maria said of her adopted mother, who also asked to remain anonymous.

Maria works at a restaurant and two assisted living centers. Her work day begins at 6:30 a.m. and ends usually around 11 p.m. On Tuesday and Thursday she attends class before reporting for work in the evening. Over a recent three-day period she worked 48 hours.

Maria came to America on a student visa. She can continue with it as long as she's enrolled in 12 hours, but now with the baby that's virtually impossible and besides, other issues have popped up. Because she refused to abort her baby, her sponsor in Africa has cut off financial support. The $400-$500 she earns working three jobs during the week is not enough to pay for college, as well as take care of Praise. Maria and her adopted mother said Oklahoma City hospitals have programs in place to help pay for nursing education. But in return, a person must agree to work at the hospital for three years after graduating from the program. Maria said she would be more than willing to do this, but her student visa only allows her to stay in the country one year after graduation.

Maria's adopted mother said an attorney with Catholic Charities is working on the issue, but admitted to them an attorney with more may be needed.

Katie Gordy, chair of the Birth Choice Board of Directors,  is involved with Maria's plight. She is confident God will send someone to help Maria and her new baby. Anyone who would like to offer help or support can contact Gordy at 405-359-2700."

"I used to be cynical," Gordy said. "But I've seen God work so many miracles over the years I know help is on the way for this young mother."