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In Christ's Arms Living Life of Faith Helps Provide Great Comfort and Dignity When Time on Earth is Near End By Eileen Dugan EDMOND — “Dying with dignity means dying in Christ’s arms,” said Deacon John Morris. He made the statement at Saint John the Baptist Parish to an audience gathered to discuss end-of-life issues. Mary Diane Steltenkamp, a nurse and certified spiritual director, added, “The way we live life is the way we will die. If we live life in fear, we will die fearfully. If we live a life of prayer, we will die prayerfully. If we live life angrily, we will die angrily. We’re all going to die differently.” Morris and Steltenkamp sat together at the podium in the parish hall at Saint John’s in Edmond, discussing the theological and spiritual issues of the end of life with about 100 parishioners. Morris spoke on the theological concerns we have at the end of life. He explained how the three Cs: compassion, communication, and Christ can help us with our end-of-life decisions. These “three Cs will aid us in making good decisions, Catholic decisions”. He advised people to be compassionate when making end-of-life determinations. “Remember the compassion of Christ,” he said. A little “compassion will make things go more smoothly.” Then, Morris spoke of the need for communication among family members. A breakdown in communication over end-of-life issues can cause painful ruptures in a family. “Lack of communication within the family is what drove the Terry Schiavo Case,” he said. “There was little communication between Terry and her husband, Terry and her parents, and Terry’s husband and his in-laws about end-of-life issues.” Morris urged those making end-of-life judgments to “keep Christ at the center” of those decisions. Sensing Christ’s presence as we make difficult decisions brings peace to all concerned, he said. Steltenkamp talked about the spiritual dimensions of the end of life. As we make preparations for our final journey, “we need to look at the difference between healing and curing,” she said. “Cure means to fix; that is what the medical profession does. Healing, on the other hand, means to find peace, to become whole. My role is not curing; it is healing. I tell the dying person, ‘I will walk with you at this time and make it as meaningful as possible’.” We need to explain to the dying person the aspects of healing, Steltenkamp said. “I tell them that I don’t have the medicine or surgery that’s going to fix them, but I will not abandon them at the end of their lives. I will not let them be alone with their pain.” “Dying patients are our prophets. It behooves us to learn from them,” she said. “I have learned a lot from the dying. The dying person doesn’t move fast. He or she wants us to slow down, too. When working with the dying, we need to speak slowly. In 1860, Florence Nightengale, the founder of nursing, said, ‘Hustle and bustle are not conducive to healing.’ “Dying is losing control,” Steltenkamp said. “Let the dying control what they can. If they want the glass of water on the table and you want it on the dresser, let them have their way. What might seem silly to you is important to them. “Do not trivialize what a dying patient says or does. Dying is a time that people reconcile. A dying man looked up at me and said that when he was six-years-old, he had wanted some candy so he went to the cash register and stole a quarter. I listened to him. If something is important to him, it needs to be important to me. “If a dying person wants to give you something, respect him or her by accepting it. Mary was widowed with no children. She gave me a very valuable statue of Mary. At first, I didn’t want to take it. Then, I realized how important it was to her that I accept it. So, if a dying person offers you something, the worse thing you can do is refuse to take it. “Don’t force a dying person to eat. As death approaches, a person’s system begins to shut down; the person no longer feels hungry and doesn’t want to eat. This is part of the natural process of dying. “My Dad was in a nursing home, and I used to bring him his favorite food, bread pudding. A time came when Dad no longer wanted bread pudding or anything else to eat. When this happened, I said to him, ‘If you were the daughter of a father you loved very much, and the father wouldn’t eat, what would you do?’ He answered, ‘Let it be.’ “If that’s what my father wants, then it’s up to me, as his daughter, to carry out his wishes. I said to his nurse, ‘If my Dad doesn’t want to eat, don’t force him. Let it be.’ “Often the dying cannot pray; they need our presence. End-of-life patients often have limited energy because they are on medication and/or they are no longer eating. The result is a difficulty in prayer. At this critical time they need our presence. We need to tell them, ‘We, the community of God, are here to pray for you’. “A dying man of prayer told me he could not pray. He felt so guilty. I told him that Saint John of the Cross had said, ‘When we want to pray and can’t, we are the closest to God’. “John of the Cross thought that when we want to pray and can’t, we are leaning on our faith, and leaning on our faith brings us closest to God,” Steltenkamp said. “At the end of life, we lean on faith alone. I always pray for healing for the dying, a healing of whatever it is they need,” Steltenkamp said. The theological and spiritual information summarized below is from the question-and-answer period at the end-of-life panel discussion at Saint John the Baptist Catholic Church: *Playing hymns for a dying person who has sung them through the years is very comforting to the person, especially when the hymns are played over and over. *If someone dies during the night at home and they are not on hospice care, the first call you should make when the body is discovered is to 911. *If you have a well-formed conscience and are close to God in prayer, you will come to peace with your Creator as you move toward heaven. *Every means should be used to alleviate a dying person’s pain (medicine, compassion, our presence). However, suffering is not always bad; it can bring a person closer to Christ. |