Sister Followed Heart to Vocation
An Instrument of God
By Sister Veronica Higgins, CST

“If you were the only person in the whole wide world, Jesus would have come and suffered and died just for you” were the first words heard from a priest’s retreat in Oklahoma for a young African American who had left home to become a Carmelite Sister of St. Therese. The words echoed earlier words she heard in a Dallas church administered by Discalced Carmelite Friars when she gazed upon a life-sized crucifix.

“This is what I’ve done for you, what will you do for Me?” The young woman waited patiently to talk with Father
Patrick Ahem, OCD to express her
desire to give her ‘all’ - to become a
Sister, but as she stammered amidst
tears of joy and apprehension - she wasn’t even Catholic yet, she expressed her desire. He prayed with her and sent her back to Chattanooga then to talk with a priest about taking instructions.

That young woman was me. The year was 1971 and growing up in Chattanooga, Tennessee there weren’t many Catholics. My dad was Catholic but my mother convinced him to become Methodist. A church that separated the races yet professed to being universal confused her. The untimely death of my dad gave me no resource to question what ‘Catholic’ meant until the sessions of Vatican II gradually crept into the news and was bringing the Church back into the foreground. Growing up in the 60’s, I was of the generation that wanted a more just society and demonstrated often for the rights of others, whether it was against racism or the war, I wanted to make a difference, turn things around. In taking a walk one day, I found the Catholic Church, went in and prayed. The peace that poured over my whole heart was astounding. It was at that moment, I felt at home. I began to investigate everything about the Church, went to the priest on campus and was negated as the curiosity being one of my ‘fads’.

It was because I was chosen to sing with the University of Tennessee Singers that brought me to Dallas that led me to recognizing my vocation. I had read about St. Teresa of Avila and knew a little about Carmelites. When I discovered that the priests at the Sacred Heart/Our Lady of Guadalupe Cathedral were Carmelites, I knew God was leading me to the Carmelite order. During the time of my instructions to become Catholic, my mother was very unhappy and did everything she could to make my life miserable. She didn’t want me to become Catholic, but soon reconciled to that reality. She definitely did not want me to become a Sister. I was an only child, and my father had died when I was five. Saying yes to God, meant stepping out in faith - trusting that He would take care - provide me with the means that when she truly needed me would give me the strength to do so. Saying yes to God meant leaving home, leaving all that was secure and stepping out into the unknown. Leaving friends that didn’t understand, nothing deterred the desire to give myself totally to the One who had given Himself to me.

I wrote the Dallas Carmelite Nuns for almost a year, when the Mother Superior suggested I should look into other Carmelite communities that were less restrictive.

Theirs was a cloister that was really strict. They follow the rule written in the 16th century. Even though that didn’t frighten me, I followed her suggestion and began looking for other Carmelite communities. It was an ad in the Religious Sisters of the United States that described the Carmelite Sisters of St. Therese as having a direct affiliation with the Discalced Carmelites with an active apostolate that attracted my heart.

At the time, I was living upon the suggestion of my spiritual director with a family of twelve children. Due to the stress of the emotional struggle with my mother, I was not able to come for a visit but felt so strongly that God was calling me to Oklahoma I called one day and asked if I could come to stay. On August 11, 1973 at 2:30 a.m. I arrived and was welcomed with open arms. The following Monday I was given a tour of Villa Teresa School. As we stepped into the main hallway, the Sister who was giving the tour stated, “Not everyone can work with these little ones.” Many of them were from broken homes, and had some issues of trust that caused behavioral challenges. They became my family and I have loved every single day of teaching these little ones. My vocation became one that responded to God asking me to take care of them, to share with them His love to prepare them not just for the next grade level, but also for life. “How else would they know the love of God, except through me?” St. Teresa has been quoted to say, “God has no hands, but my hands, no feet but my feet.” Being God’s hands and feet, and voice and heart is important. God is humble and generous enough to allow us to be His instruments to which I am most grateful.

God has given me many talents - music, my first love has touched so many hearts. It keeps me humble, because I never know what is going to come out when I open my mouth to sing. It is truly an experience of trust. It is a gift that can touch someone the way God wants them to be affected. It really has nothing to do with me, I am only His instrument. My mother always wanted me to be a church musician. She used to sit with me on the piano bench to make sure I would practice. Now on the weekends, I serve as organist at Little Flower Church. On occasion I am fortunate to sing with the Hispanic choir who adopted my mother when she moved here from Tennessee. Mother had a stroke in 1995, and in 1997 I finally convinced her to come to Oklahoma where a year before she died, she became Catholic. What God did with changing both my mother and myself was such a gift! He took pain and anguish and turned it into utter delight.

There are many challenges in all of our vocations. For me, to trust is a big challenge. You would think that those whom you serve, trust you. Many times trusting is also just as big a challenge. Realizing the humanity and limitations of humanity and discerning why you say Yes, everyday causes one to discern constantly one’s motives. Trusting is believing without seeing. Our generation likes to see. We want to know and have results right now.

The reason Christ suffered is the reason I stay with what has been asked of me.

He knew there was a resurrection - beyond darkness there is light. When I made my first communion at age 19 I wanted then to embrace all the joys and all the sorrows. I still hold onto that desire. If Christ did it for me, the only proof of love I have is to endure and embrace not only the joys but also the sorrows, even now 28 years later.

The greatest influence in my life has been the life of Teresa of Avila. The 16 century Saint was zealous. Once she felt she knew what God expected other, she did it. Her teachings on prayer and putting God first in her life and the desire that others do so was an example that has influenced me and given me courage.

My greatest hope for the future of the Church is that we become one. We are all so different but we make up the body of Christ. Working together for the sake of the Kingdom will sustain us and give us an opportunity to be not only Christ-like but truly Christ for each other.